A spotter’s guide to the office summer safari
There’s nothing quite like a bustling office during the sticky summer months. Between the light evenings for your commute home, lunchtime picnics, and the whole communal fridge crammed full of beer, there’s a lot to be happy about when June rolls around.
But among the lightness of spirit and joie de vivre that summer brings to the workplace are some instantly recognisable specimens of colleague. So we’ve assembled this spotter’s guide for all twitchers of the human condition.
The one who’s always too hot
A true classic, this is the person who seems to wilt and melt like old lettuce before your eyes the second the temperature rises. Often to be found hogging multiple fans and petitioning for the air con to be turned down (or up? I’m never quite sure).
The one who’s always too cold
The Newtonian opposite and equal of the previous specimen, this is the person who insists they’re still cold no matter how end-of-days the heat gets. Easily recognisable by their hundreds of layers and constant baffling stream of hot drinks.
Regardless of how ill-equipped your office is for summer, the improviser will find a way to make the most of it, even if it means taking their lunch out to the car park and perching on top of a wheelie bin.
The one who’s obsessed with ice cream
There’s always the one person who sees the sun and decides they must subsist solely on frozen treats for the next three months. They’ll get through a box of Magnums a day because the office has no freezer. Follow the sound of slurping and a trail of drips to find this one.
The one who embraces any excuse for a drink
Closed the deal? Time for a celebratory mojito! Made it through the staff meeting in the sweltering board room? Beers all round! Processed all your emails? Must be Pimms o’ clock!
The determined short wearer
On April 1st they put their shorts on and they’ve been wearing them ever since. Doesn’t matter if it snows or rains torrentially; once the shorts are out summer is here and there’s no going back. No. Going. Back.
The summer denier
There’s always the consummate professional who refuses to allow summer temperatures to dictate their wardrobe to them. They’ll still be wearing their full suit and tie even when it’s 30℃ outside and they can barely see their presentation slides for the sweat running down their forehead.
The one with debilitating hayfever
A tragic figure, the resident hayfever sufferer truly deserves our sympathy. Not only do they have to battle a streaming nose and eyes to try and get anything done at all, but they’re acutely aware that their constant sneezes are putting everyone else on edge.
The person who sits next to the one with hayfever
As much as they want to be sensitive to their colleague’s plight, they can’t help but be distracted and, frankly, a little grossed out by all the fluid being expelled at the next desk. The only thing to do is slide a bit farther away and keep all important paperwork in plastic sleeves for the foreseeable future.
The wasp target
As soon as the windows are open it’s only a matter of time before the most hated insect of all makes an appearance. The villain of the summer season, the wasp will choose a target and harrass them at intervals all day. There’s no saying who the next victim will be. The wasp is not discerning, it could be any of us…